The Adventures of Nic

A new breed of Nic

Over a month now since X has spoken to me. He said our friendship wouldn't change. But it HAS. I'm SO MAD. Three years of friendship gone just like that. Not because of anything I did but something I just couldn't do, and that was love him in a romantic sense.

In some ways, it had to happen. We were emotionally reliant on each other. Too much; and when your best friend is someone platonic, of course you won't be out there seeking for that connection. You already have one. It's not 100% but it's certainly better than being lonely. And I think that's where I was selfish; I worried that we were too close (even though I made sure not to do ANYTHING that could be interpreted in a romantic manner and frequently told him he was like my brother) but I still didn't break off the friendship.

He broke it off for us. I thought it would just be scaled back, but now there's nothing.

I keep thinking of all the stupid little things I can't tell him. Everyday stories from my life because he listened to them. I wonder how he's going, what the future holds for him.

ARGH IT SUCKS SO MUCH.

I feel more on my own than I have in a long time because he really was my 'last close friend left'. As a result I'm trying to reach out to others again. Girls, even! Which is probably better for me in the long run.

posted by Nic @ 6:06 PM