The Adventures of Nic

The Wheel of Time

Last night I had my first 'back in the UK' dream. 3 and a half weeks until I fly. I'm SO EXCITED. I got to speak to Helen on the phone yesterday and it was wonderful!

Sure, I'm apprehensive, because it won't be my 'UK Life', it's a 2 week trip to visit friends, go to a wedding, empty a storage shed and see a little more of the countryside. In essence, the things I meant to do before glandular fever struck me down and the hoped for jobs didn't eventuate. Almost a year on, I get to go back. :D

I have 6 months of my Rocky job left and now I'm starting to worry about what's next after that. Because this year is certainly never where I expected to be - and I've grown to love Rocky, the 'seachange in the middle of nowhere', for the beautiful outdoors, slow-paced lifestyle, chance to deepen friendships and breathe. The Capricorn Coast region is SO beautiful. Now I know this year long 'interlude' was meant to be.

God directs my life in ways I never quite expect.

I've done so much 'growing and reflecting' in recent months. Trying to face my own selfishness, and I have, somewhat, along the lines that it's acknowledged but I'm not quite at that stage where I can change. And part of me wonders if this is a life choice: maybe I AM one of those people who is happier on her own rather than compromising within a relationship. A marriage would be so much work, Every Single Day. And it seems that lately, I can only see the 'bad' in that and can't comprehend any good that would be worth all that hard work, disappointment and compromise.

Then again, maybe I'm just drifting. I attempted to buy a house and didn't - just too much of a committment, too much to 'tie me down'. If you have a house, impulsive trips overseas just aren't a reality and I'm not ready to give those up just yet. You could say my upcoming trip to the UK is impulsive - yes it is, I don't REALLY need to go to Linda and Mark's wedding - but I want to. I want to see my friends again. I want to experience LIFE in all of its fabulousness around the globe and I don't want to sit in Brisbane saving money to pay off my house!

So yes, I'm being frivoulous again. There is just so much out there to see and do.

On the flip side, if I do want a family, time is running out. Do I want children? I can't answer that. I know that I LOVE being an aunt and I adore Ozzie and Lachie so much. Babies are gorgeous! But again, the idea of that much responsibility, that much sacrifice, freaks me out. I've done some reading how families are God's great plan - a husband, children, keep us from becoming self-absorbed. It's a growing experience and you can only ever remain humble when your focus is on others. Living the single life, my focus is on me, my loyalty is not split.

So where to beyond this year? I don't know. I still hope to work in other countries. I'm exploring options. I've re-assessed friendships, given up on some people (yes, me, the girl who never used to give up has finally realised I'm only hurting myself), gotten tougher, and I don't think I'm as 'nice' as I used to be. That could be a good thing, meaning I won't get walked over any more.

(I do blame some of the 'not-so-nice' stuff on continuing illness-related exhaustion 'blahs'. If I don't get the required 9 hours sleep, oh, I get grumpy. I don't like it but I chalk it up as a GF-side-effect and know that the effects are fading with time.)


Oh, and one final comment - winter WITHOUT the beauty of central heating is really quite miserable. Especially when you work from home and shiver all day. :(

posted by Nic @ 11:32 AM