The Adventures of Nic

The nature of love

Until this year, I hadn't been near a baby in 18 years. That's a LOT of time. Sure, I sometimes saw them in the distance, but I didn't know anyone who had one. That's all changing now. 50% of my friends/family are pregnant. More than that, I have two BEAUTIFUL nephews. And through these boys, I'm learning more about love.

You see, I've been having a fight with 'love' this year. Romantic love wasn't strong enough to keep together a relationship. Friendship love wasn't strong enough to survive different countries. Family love was wonderful to come home to... but that's only one piece of the puzzle. And then there's God's love - but it seems so much more abstract than the others.

I feel like I'm going to burst because of love sometimes, because there's SO MUCH inside me wanting to get out, only ... only ... living in this void this year, there's been nowhere to channel it.
Which in turn, has allowed me to learn of a new kind of love. A nurturing love.

Babies don't judge. They don't discriminate. They smile, they show every emotion, they give love, and as a result, I can't help but give them as much of MY love as I can. It's different to any other way I've loved people. I want to protect and hold them and just being around them makes me happy.

I've discovered that one of my love languages IS physical touch. Now, I'd suspected this (whenever I have a boyfriend I'm constantly wanting to hold his hand/be connected to him), and with the babies, it's the same. I can spend hours rubbing their feet or back, holding them, just maintaining that physical connection. An outpouring of love, so to speak.

I'm beginning to understand how mothers can go on without husbands. How women will put their child above everything else. And how that must turn to pain when children grow up and leave home.

Which brings me full circle to my original position: love is given for a time but there are no guarantees of its return.

(And of course, I have that ever-present longing to be able to love one special man for the rest of my life.)

posted by Nic @ 7:10 PM