The nature of love
Until this year, I hadn't been near a baby in 18 years. That's a LOT of time. Sure, I sometimes saw them in the distance, but I didn't know anyone who had one. That's all changing now. 50% of my friends/family are pregnant. More than that, I have two BEAUTIFUL nephews. And through these boys, I'm learning more about love.
You see, I've been having a fight with 'love' this year. Romantic love wasn't strong enough to keep together a relationship. Friendship love wasn't strong enough to survive different countries. Family love was wonderful to come home to... but that's only one piece of the puzzle. And then there's God's love - but it seems so much more abstract than the others.
I feel like I'm going to burst because of love sometimes, because there's SO MUCH inside me wanting to get out, only ... only ... living in this void this year, there's been nowhere to channel it.
Which in turn, has allowed me to learn of a new kind of love. A nurturing love.
Babies don't judge. They don't discriminate. They smile, they show every emotion, they give love, and as a result, I can't help but give them as much of MY love as I can. It's different to any other way I've loved people. I want to protect and hold them and just being around them makes me happy.
I've discovered that one of my love languages IS physical touch. Now, I'd suspected this (whenever I have a boyfriend I'm constantly wanting to hold his hand/be connected to him), and with the babies, it's the same. I can spend hours rubbing their feet or back, holding them, just maintaining that physical connection. An outpouring of love, so to speak.
I'm beginning to understand how mothers can go on without husbands. How women will put their child above everything else. And how that must turn to pain when children grow up and leave home.
Which brings me full circle to my original position: love is given for a time but there are no guarantees of its return.
(And of course, I have that ever-present longing to be able to love one special man for the rest of my life.)
Hanging out for an intellectual conversation....
Where have my intellectual friends gone? My brain is dying through masses of stupidity or surface conversations. Where are the people with whom I can have deep discussions over a Bible verse, a concept, the universe? Where's the DEPTH?
I just sent out a thought-provoking article to a group of friends, only to have them dismiss it with, "too long and boring, didn't read".
Sure, there are online conversations and communities, but that's not the same as face-to-face.
ARGH.
If I'm honest with myself, the role of intellectual debating partner has always been filled by a girlfriend from work/uni (these are all married now and therefore too focussed on their partners to have room for another intense friendship), or close male friends (again, these have drifted away because of their girlfriends/wives). I'm in that VOID where my closest friends have moved on to others and due to a series of betrayals earlier in the year, I'm hesitant to trust anyone new.
And so I languish in mental emptiness, turning to introspection, which in turn drives me mad. I'M SO BORED lately. I can clean, I can throw things out, I can blog, I can read, I can write my book... but where is life??? Where is the thrill of conversation, of learning, loving and laughing?!
Jo and Mark's wedding!
I haven't updated this blog in far too long again - I've been recovering from my trip to the UK! This last weekend is the first I've had where I was in Brisbane and wasn't ridiculously exhausted. Just as well, because Jo got married! :)
Jo and Mark's wedding was SO BEAUTIFUL. It was also very exciting to see them on PAGE 15 of the state-wide newspaper the next day. I scanned the article so you can all enjoy it:
http://homepages.ihug.com.au/~jedinic/jo_mark_article.jpgIt's yet another of our TFN group to get married. So exciting, and Jo looked so beautiful.
(For those wondering, YES, Amy is pregnant.)
It was quite a simple wedding, but so elegantly done. Going to Parliament House was pretty cool, though. ;) And I'd never been to a wedding where EVERYONE was so well dressed (usually there's the random friend who has no idea how to put on a suit).
Since this is my blog, I also have to post a photo of me, since I love my dress. ;)
