The Adventures of Nic

Seasons change

There's a change in the air. Sure, the calendar says it's still summer, but autumn is approaching. I can feel it. There's always a sense of melancholy with the change - I am a summer girl through and through. To me, there's nothing better than running around wearing next to nothing and feeling the warm air on your skin. A hot breeze blowing through your hair, diving into the cool ocean, lying on a floor feeling the heat pulsating around you and feeling so ALIVE.

It makes me want to run and dance and sing. Spend hours at the beach, surfing, lying in the sun, dreaming, being. Walking at midnight with a full moon high, and no need for a jacket. Dancing barefoot through the grass.

The whole world thrums with song in summer.

But winter, winter is for curling up inside, for the night to take hold, for everything to be a little more faded and a little less sparkling. Winter is sad.

I've been having some haunting dreams, the most poignant of X. In the dream, he wrote me a letter saying that this was all silly and he wanted our friendship back. Oh, how I wish that would happen in real life. But I know that the heart is irrational and needs a long time to heal. Sometimes, it doesn't heal at all. And all we can do is acknowledge that, grieve for the lost friendship, and love from a distance.

It's strange, the last year I have learned so much about love in the sense of agape and I don't think I ever appreciated, until now, just how deep that could be. I knew familial love backwards, I had been through the rollercoaster of romantic love a few times, but the love of friendship? It's true, you don't appreciate it until you lose it and I lost it 3 times in a year. (I suspect God was trying to teach me a lesson about that: well the lesson has been received loud and clear!)

These days, I'm appreciating the friends I have, while also seeking out new people. It would be so easy to close myself off and retreat but how many amazing people would I miss?!

posted by Nic @ 12:06 PM