'Home'
That's what Tubingen felt like when I visited for the May Day weekend. Home. It's no secret I've been missing home a little more lately, and that's a combination of being bored with Manchester and knowing that I will visit Brisbane soon. I am already emotionally detaching from this place, especially since my job may finish sooner than I think.The life of an IT Consultant is a constant war between boredom and adventure, stability versus the unknown. It's so scary when your job is never going to last (and the entire time I've been working, that's been the case). I've been lucky in that most contracts run for a year and I had most of them in Brisbane, but after this job finishes I'm into the great unknown.
Part of me craves the 'stable life', where I can set up a place of my own and purchase nice things and have that 'nice little life' where nothing changes and I don't have to think about moving or my next job. (And I'd get my dose-of-adventure from travelling.)
Part of me screams in horror at that thought - look at me now, bored after 16 months in Manchester. It's only 16 months. I have heaps of friends here, and go out almost every night, and I travel to Europe every couple of weeks. Yet there's still boredom....
Is it because I'm not committed to this place? If I committed to a place (and perhaps person?), I wonder if I would change. I think I would. It would be a different life phase.
I know I lack committment to the church - I always have the excuse of travel, or unstable work, as to why I can't be part of the team/council/whatever. At the moment I do the after-service-coffee but that's hardly a big committment.
So many questions! I thought I was over the Existential Dramas when I ran away from Brisbane but with everything I've learnt, and the thousand new experiences I've had, I still don't have answers to the basic questions. I'm just a lot more relaxed about it - if I don't find a job after this one, it won't be the end of the world, it will just be a way to learn about the world (and God) in a new light.
This entry was supposed to be about the awesome trip to Germany and seeing my 'family' of Danny, Xtina, Dorothea, Barbara etc. Perhaps I'll write that one tomorrow. Suffice to say that I had a WONDERFUL time. :)
posted by Nic @ 2:25 AM
2 Comments:
Hey Nic...so jealous :) We had a wonderful time on Monday (May Day) at Tyson and Rachael's, celebrating a belated 'Christmas' :) It reminded me of the Christmas we had in Germany...our walks in the forest, hanging out with the girls in Teubingen...oh what fun :) I can't imagine what Germany's like at this time of year. I hope you took lots of photos and will send me the address :D
Isn't uncertainty GREAT?! Haha...at the moment Jordan and I have no idea where we'll be living or working in 38 days...we've both applied for jobs in S.A, so we can't even start looking for a place! It's funny because you think, 'when THIS (inert exciting phase in life) happens, I'll be so happy and so certain about my future', but nothing's ever certain except that God has it under control...so I guess that's the cool thing to be excited about and to have our confidence in.
Okay, I'm writing a novel, I should go :) Love to read your adventures, Nic :) You write wonderfully. Love Ellie
Hey Nic,
Great to read your blog! You've written so much compared to me lately!! :) Can relate to all your thoughts being a fellow ex-pat IT consultant whose job may end in a matter of months. Psalm 40:5.
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