The Adventures of Nic

2011-07-08T11:06:00.001+10:00

Saving a link for my own reference.

Life in Canada

2011-05-31T02:59:00.002+10:00

A random comment on an old post reminded me that I had this blog. No posts for almost 3 years- how quickly time flies past! I returned from Belfast to Australia, and a year or so later, moved to Vancouver, BC.

Yes, I'm still following my dreams around the world. :) Life in Vancouver is wonderful - especially the skiing and the snowboarding. I'm loving being so close to North American pop culture (conventions! figure skating!) and the outdoors-lifestyle of this city is perfect for me.

Looking at old posts - woah, oversharing much? These days I keep my romantic (mis)adventures to myself.

Avoiding winter since Jan '06.

2008-08-05T02:33:00.003+10:00

I'm still in Ireland, and oh, I love it here. My '6 weeks' has turned into over 3 months and I can't say I'm too unhappy. There's been sadness over missing some things in Aus - in particular, the trip to Melbourne to see "Wicked" with my dearest friends - but I am constantly reminded that there is no perfect life. One cannot have everything, one can only make the best of opportunities that present themselves.

And had I stayed in Brisbane, I'd still be jobless and experiencing winter (which I continue to successfully avoid). The whole concept brings a huge smile to my face, and it looks like I can keep avoiding winter for another year and a half at least. I LOVE it, just switching continents when summer is over!

I've been doing some amazing travel. What else do you do when you have no local friends? ;) I finally got to Land's End, I've spent time in London seeing shows and meeting the lovely Jason Dohring at a "Veronica Mars" convention, and of course travelled back to Manchester, which was like coming home in a way. I've been horse riding on beaches in Donegal, spent a crazy couple of days in Dublin and even went to the Ballyshannon Folk Festival. Irish culture, Guinness, and wonderful, friendly locals.

It hasn't all been sunshine, though. I spent 4 days in hospital due to tonsillitus+painkiller allergies and the recovery is slow. It was quite a scary experience, especially being so far from home. Yet what amazes me about humanity is that People Step Up. Two wonderful women came to my rescue, took me to hospital, visited me, brought me cards and chocolate and I am truly humbled by how much they cared.

It's a good reminder for me, to look out for the alone and the lonely, to be there for someone when they really don't have anyone else.

My life here is simple but busy. There's no endless schedule to keep up with and my evenings are my own. UK-ready-meals are phenomenally good and so I honestly don't have to cook. And it's cheaper than everyday life in Brisvegas - I LOVE not having a car.

Who ever suspected, in January, that I'd be spending a good portion of the year in Ireland?

Life! The ultimate adventure!

Belfast, Northern Ireland

2008-05-16T18:21:00.003+10:00

I'm in Belfast!!! I can't quite comprehend that I'm here. 2 weeks from the first message that it was a possibility, to landing in the UK.

It's been a whirlwind and I am ridiculously happy to be back in this country. :D

Life! You never know WHERE it will take you!

2008-04-27T11:42:00.000+10:00

Life is fraught with wonder.

I've been unreasonably happy lately which means life is good. :)

The scent of Africa

2008-03-14T11:43:00.001+10:00

Now that I've unpacked my boxes from the UK, I have access to my perfumes again. :D This morning I pulled out Jasmine essence, which I purchased in Tunis. It's amazing how scents can take you back to a time and place. I remember that bustling market, where B and I pushed through crowded, smelly streets and tunnels, where I was groped, where we had the most interesting food, where stray cats roamed and we bargained for silver bracelets that I later gave to my sisters.

Tunisia, land of sun, desert and majestic beauty. The memories I have from that place are some of the most incredible of my life. Whenever I watch STAR WARS, I find it both amazing and hard to believe that I have actually been to those places!

I truly am blessed, to have been given the opportunities that I have.

For so many, remote areas of Africa are the 'impossible dream', and yet we did it, armed with dodgy instructions printed off from the internet, a hire car that looked like it was going to fall apart, and a whole lot of grim determination.

Even when we managed to get bogged on the sand flats of Luke Skywalker's house, as the sun was setting (if only it had been twin suns), it was amazing! Oh, the memories.... And poor B, I don't think he quite realised what a crazy/obsessive fangirl I was until that trip. I dragged him from one end of the country to the other and he didn't complain even one bit.

I remember the first night in Africa, where I leaned out of my hotel room window and just BREATHED. I was so excited. The air held a hint of the exotic, it was warm, it was delicious, it was foreign yet familiar (the books I'd read came flooding back to me) and I stood there and stared at the stars and grinned.

And of course, I'm missing B again. So many exciting things are happening lately. I'm meeting new people, planning new things, and it makes me quite sad that he's not part of that. You can't forget someone so easily and I still think, "I can't wait to tell him this!" I can only hope and pray that one day I will again. But how far can your lives diverge and you still have that 'understanding' that only years of friendship brings?

Canada Countdown

2008-03-13T15:46:00.002+10:00

I'm in serious planning mode for Canada. 7 months to go. And, oh, what a difference it makes to my outlook! I'm so excited, I have something major to look forward to. :D Now I don't care that I can't afford weekends away (due to the mortgage and horrific rate rises...), because I no longer feel trapped.

I'm going on an adventure. :) :) :) I'm going to become a kick-ass skiier. Maybe I'll even try snowboarding. My goal for the end of the season will be to do at least one aeriel trick off a ski jump. I wonder if I'll get good enough to do an in-air somersault?

(Before people start telling me that it takes years to learn these things, keep in mind that I have extraordinarily good balance, am a great roller-blader, used to do aerial tricks on the trampoline, and picked up horse riding (including jumping) very easily.)

So many exciting decisions lie before me. Which resorts should I apply to? Should I travel before, or after? Will I stay on in Canada and look for a professional job afterwards? Should I buy my own skis or rent? Will I meet fabulous Canadian men or will I stay solo? ;)

I can't wait to meet all the new people. :) Experience a totally different LIFE. Be poor for a while (that won't be so good but what's more important, paying off my mortgage, or enjoying my youth while I still have it?!)

I feel like ME again. And it's good.

This all depends, of course, on landing a job in a ski-resort but I'm speaking to an organisation that arranges interviews IN AUS before you go. I'm very hopeful.

It's not enough

2008-03-05T17:15:00.001+10:00

I guess what my last post was trying to say is... It's Not Enough.

Everything I have now - my job, my family, my friends, my house... it doesn't fulfil me. So I keep yearning for that thing that will, and life-experience has taught me that breaking OUT of my comfort zone is enough of a distraction to not notice that I want more.

My wasted 20's.

2008-03-05T17:00:00.000+10:00

I spent the vast majority of my 20's waiting for marriage. Looking back, I'm horrified at How Much Time I wasted. I was reading today the newly published list of countries that I could have had a working visa for. So many more than I even imagined (France! Germany!) yet the cut-off age for all of these exciting places is 30.

30.

I feel like I'm only just getting started in life, but doors are slamming in my face due to the age cut-off. 30 is an age where you're supposed to have it figured out. Where you've done the adventure thing and you're ready to settle. I'm SO far from that place and I wonder, how did I get it so wrong?

To be fair, the world set me up. Movies and novels (and even the church) promised fairytale romance. My parents fell in love at 16 and it lasted. My sisters/cousins got married at ages 19-21, of course I expected that my turn would soon come. So I did what any good Christian girl would do, kept going to church, lived with my parents (I SO wanted to do the same as my siblings, i.e. live at home until I got married because that was both beautiful and traditional), I got a job to pay off my university debts and begin saving for the future while I waited for my husband, and then....

...continued waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

(I should add that I went out, I met people, I tried new things, dated, I certainly didn't sit at home!)

I'd always had the dream of going to England with my boyfriend/husband: I know so many couples who've done that. The stories they told me were amazing, imagine having that kind of adventure with your best friend! Someone to share the good times and the tough times, someone to help alleviate the inevitable homesickness.

It got to the point where I was so bored, so frustrated, so depressed with my life of waiting, that I finally went on my own. But that was late 20's. There was only enough time for one, maybe 2, visas. I had plans to go to Canada after England (I HAD my visa), but that got slammed by Glandular Fever. Another entire year, GONE just like that. (For 9 months I lacked the physical strength required to move to another country by myself and to this day I don't have the pre-illness energy. I may never again.)

So now. I'm recovered. And I'm in Brisvegas again. I'm back to WAITING.

You could argue that all I have to do is change my frame of reference. But what more is there to life, than family and legacy? Okay, serving God, but oh, that feels empty when you don't share it with someone. And so... I travel. I go out there. I DO THINGS that are different, I experience everything this world has to offer.

And I regret my wasted 20's because those were the prime years to be adventuring instead of hoping for something that didn't come to pass.

Who is Nic?

2008-02-26T14:53:00.003+10:00

The way I want the world to see me: A shiny, happy girl with a zest for life. She loves deep, intellectual conversations. She loves travel and seeing new places. She's all about the 'new experience'. She's a Christian girl but not a conventional one (who stays in a safe profession, in a safe little world). She has friends who are believers and those who are not. She believes in real friendships where you get to know the heart of a person instead of just keeping it at surface level.

She's a geek, with a deep, abiding love for STAR WARS. She has an amazing family and loves them to bits (even while feeling pressured to conform to their script). She's brilliant; she's the black sheep of the family. She's generally a success at anything she puts her mind to, except for craft or relationships (no one can be good at everything!) ;)

She was voted "most likely to succeed" by her graduating class, and in terms of world experience and financial goals, she probably is. It's the curse of being the first-born: the classic overachiever. She rides horses and surfs and skis and loves being outdoors. She works hard to stay fit but has a weakness for chocolate. Her favourite boys are her nephews and she has little regard for 'Hollywood' stereotypes.

A chameleon: she's comfortable in a 5-star restaurant; she sleeps happily in a backpacker's hostel. The typical trappings of financial success mean little to her; she'd much rather trek through New Zealand than have a flat-screen tv and matching silverware. She can network her way through a room of VIPs or go drinking with the boys. She knows she will go into space one day.

She's a scientist, she's a writer. She's never cared about being left of centre. Eccentric is taken as a compliment.

---

And that, my friends, is why she remains single. She carries in her heart a deep longing for a confidant. She's had them before, but the world turns, people come in and out of her life and she cares for them deeply when they are there and misses them terribly when they move on.

She's been told she's 'too smart', 'too picky', 'too weird', 'too independent'. She knows she's not your typical girl next door, but that's the essence of who she IS. To pretend, to be that girl with an empty head, the one who lives out her life fulfilled with routine rather than adventure, would be to go against every dream in her mind. The tough thing to comprehend is that the women who marry, those who fit the Biblical role of 'perfect wife', the set she so desperately wants to be part of, the group she admires, is not her.

She's learning to be gracious and accept help. She's learning to admit she can't do everything on her own. (And yes, that frustrates her, the need to rely on other people.) Her heart, now rebuilt (albeit with scars), is in a protective shell and she's terrified of letting it get smashed again. She runs from pain because she knows that the world IS pain.

Part of her dreams of Heaven because she no longer believes in perfection on earth. There can be moments of beauty, moments of bliss, but inevitably, all things end.

And yet - she always believes in a brighter tomorrow - because LOOK at the universe! How amazing, how incredible, it is.

If this post sounds arrogant - I'm writing it to capture who I want to be as well as who I am. Leaving out the bad stuff.

Seasons change

2008-02-15T12:06:00.000+10:00

There's a change in the air. Sure, the calendar says it's still summer, but autumn is approaching. I can feel it. There's always a sense of melancholy with the change - I am a summer girl through and through. To me, there's nothing better than running around wearing next to nothing and feeling the warm air on your skin. A hot breeze blowing through your hair, diving into the cool ocean, lying on a floor feeling the heat pulsating around you and feeling so ALIVE.

It makes me want to run and dance and sing. Spend hours at the beach, surfing, lying in the sun, dreaming, being. Walking at midnight with a full moon high, and no need for a jacket. Dancing barefoot through the grass.

The whole world thrums with song in summer.

But winter, winter is for curling up inside, for the night to take hold, for everything to be a little more faded and a little less sparkling. Winter is sad.

I've been having some haunting dreams, the most poignant of X. In the dream, he wrote me a letter saying that this was all silly and he wanted our friendship back. Oh, how I wish that would happen in real life. But I know that the heart is irrational and needs a long time to heal. Sometimes, it doesn't heal at all. And all we can do is acknowledge that, grieve for the lost friendship, and love from a distance.

It's strange, the last year I have learned so much about love in the sense of agape and I don't think I ever appreciated, until now, just how deep that could be. I knew familial love backwards, I had been through the rollercoaster of romantic love a few times, but the love of friendship? It's true, you don't appreciate it until you lose it and I lost it 3 times in a year. (I suspect God was trying to teach me a lesson about that: well the lesson has been received loud and clear!)

These days, I'm appreciating the friends I have, while also seeking out new people. It would be so easy to close myself off and retreat but how many amazing people would I miss?!

Canada, attempt number 2?

2008-02-12T13:38:00.000+10:00

I'm thinking of applying for another Canadian visa. If you remember, I already had one but couldn't use it (due to getting glandular fever and ending up in Aus) and it expired. What was even sneakier was the rules changed between the time of my application and acceptance, meaning that they no longer give refunds if it's not used!

So I have to think carefully about this one: it's my last chance (on account of the whole -ARGH- turning 30 this year). Why do working holiday visas have such a young cut-off age? (Answer: because they assume people are married and have kids by this age?) As long as I enter the country by next April I should be okay.

I DO want to spend a season working in a ski resort. It would be so different to what I do now, and yeah, I'd be treated with none of the respect I currently get at work but that would be a humbling experience. Good for the soul. I find that the higher I climb in the corporate world, the more arrogant I become and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm NOT 'better' than others just because of the opportunities God has given me.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. He's just started medical school and said that he wouldn't trade it for marriage. Whereas me? Would I trade my 'career' and travel experiences for marriage? I do think marriage - human companionship - is more important because at the end of it all, it's the people we meet, the lives we touch, the lives that touch ours, that we remember.

And I have met some INCREDIBLE people all around the world.

21st century consumer society

2008-02-05T11:19:00.000+10:00

I'm getting a lot of flack from my friends lately, for not spending money. They know I'm on a higher income than they are (conveniently forgetting it's a solo income). They see my empty house. They see me sleeping on an old bed, or using a plastic chair to sit at the counter. And they ask me:

Why don't you buy a new bed?

Why don't you buy a dinner table?

Why don't you go get some furniture?

The question is invariably followed with, "It's not like you can't afford it."

...how materialistic has our society become??? Sure, I can go into greater debt to purchase these household luxuries. But do I need them? In my mind, no. Posessions, 'stuff', just weighs us down. The more you have, the harder it is to let go of something.

Besides, what if I go out and buy the bedroom suite and fill up my house... what happens if I can't find work? I certainly won't be able to return the items and reselling always causes one to lose money. Even having a mortgage is so OPPOSITE to my philosophy: I've always been the person who does not believe in credit. Ever.

So I get called cheap (rather than frugal) for not fitting the 21st century mould of "Buy what you want!" I've been there, done that, and have the STAR WARS collection to show for it.

South Africa

2008-02-02T14:33:00.000+10:00

I've been getting messages again about the Pretoria project. And the idea has me so excited. I'd resigned myself to missing out after the fiascos of late last year but it seems all hope is not lost. Perhaps God is calling me there after all, just not on the timeframe I expected.

I miss travelling. I don't think I'm ready for the responsibilities of a home; not because I can't do it, but because taking care of a (too big for me) house plus working the hours I do leaves no time for anything else. Certainly not time for meaningful relationships with people. Yes, I have wonderful friends and family whom I see a couple times a week but that is not expanding my social circle. I'm not learning new things.

Two years ago, I was travelling to Europe every 3rd weekend. It was an exhausting lifestyle, but oh, the joys. So much to see and learn about this incredible world! And because I was so busy, I was so much more efficient at squeezing everything else in. I had horse riding on Monday nights, Alpha club on Tuesdays, Bible study group on Wednesdays, and Friday > Sunday was travel. Okay, I only had a small apartment to maintain, but how did I have those levels of energy???

(However, this was pre-illness, so perhaps that's why. Even though I'm over GF, I just haven't bounced back as much as I thought I would. Is it age? Nooooooo!)

At the moment, my 'Weekend To Do' list has things on it like: Mow lawn, organise fridge, cut plastic drawer liners, lay cement. I can't help but think all of those things belong to life with a husband and children where you can share the work of setting up a new home and see it as building something together.

Or perhaps my 'rejecting my house' mindset is because I'm still upset by the random neighbour crashing the impromptu pool party I had last night. I'm not capable of turning people away but when his language grew more and more vulgar, I wish I knew how to kick someone out.

How quickly time disappears with mundaneness of life

2008-01-31T12:37:00.000+10:00

I haven't updated here in a long time. Where to start? Moving was SO MUCH WORK, owning a house is EVEN MORE WORK, and when you add starting a new job to that, there's really not a lot of time for blogging!

The house is really a work in progress. So many 'bits and pieces' I want to get done just to be happy to live there. For example, security (which is finally installed now!) because the original door was so insecure that even *I* could have kicked it in. Not any more. ;)

Then there's the pool. Even when I bought the house it wasn't in the best condition. A dead bird, a tonne of rainfall, a non-working pool cleaner and a pool novice (i.e. me) meant that turning it green was inevitable. Thankfully, after much trial and error and eventually paying someone to come out and look at it (who told me I was doing just fine -ugh- and had ONE switch wrong!) the water is now clear and sparkling. :D Of course, that means I can see the bottom for the first time ever (the original owners seemed happy with cloudy water, now I know why) and wow, the interior really does need repainting. I'll save that for the future when I have more $.

Because owning a house really DOES suck up $$$. Not just the little improvements, but all of the fees for buying it. Getting all of the new services connected. RATES - in the vicinity of $2K a year. All of this basic stuff which means my costs are so much more than renting! I know that millions of people own houses (well, mortgages) and now I'm one of them, but does it really suit my lifestyle?

I love being able to pick up and move at the drop of a hat. It does freak me out a bit, being tied down, however I tell myself that I just need to stay here long enough to qualify for the first home owner's grant/stamp duty discounts, and then I can go overseas again.

I still have very little in the way of furniture and you have no idea how tempted I am to go out and buy stuff. I am falling in love with Bunnings (eep! Domestic Nic! Unthinkable!). However, I must remind myself that if I rent out the house, people will either use my furniture OR I have to move it all and I HATE MOVING.

So I try not to buy.

---

I can't believe an entire month of 2008 has passed me by and I don't have much to show for it. I had such great visions of starting my 'exciting new Brisbane life'! But with new job stress (it really does take a while to get used to it) and house stuff, and keeping up with the regular family/TFN social calendar, plus New Year's holiday and camping trips (CANOEING WAS AWESOME!) there really hasn't been a lot of spare time.

At least I have a great tan. ;)

Too busy to sleep

2007-12-18T16:01:00.000+10:00

My schedule these days has been INSANE.

Weddings, buying a house, looking for a new job, hosting parties at my new house, getting a new job and all the paperwork that goes along with that, setting up my own company for said new job, moving OUT of Rocky (do you have any idea how hard it is to organise carpet cleaning AND regular cleaning before Christmas?!), finishing up at my current job, and ARGH IT ALL TAKES SO MUCH TIME.

I haven't even thought about Christmas shopping yet!

Why do I always manage to change jobs AND move at Christmas time? I've done that for the past 4 years.

I guess it's the nature of my industry. You move when the job finishes and they usually finish at the end of the year. It never gets any easier, though.

Christian Singles

2007-12-07T18:33:00.000+10:00

Tonight I am going for a riverside picnic. There will be champagne and delightful food. There will be wonderful conversation.

My company? A married couple and the two most eligible bachelors in my church.

How many girls would love to be in my position? The interesting thing is that I adore both of them like brothers and that's what makes it so lovely and easy. :)

It's funny how we Christian singles often complain of not knowing any of the opposite gender, but the truth is, we do. We just see them as brothers or sisters.

Name mayhem

2007-12-05T20:39:00.000+10:00

One of my friends just suggested it would be the funniest thing in the world if we moved in together.

And it's true. She's a fabulous girl, loves all of the same sci-fi things that I do, works in IT, is the same age as me, etc. So why would it be funny?

We have the exact same name.

Can you imagine the phone calls? "Can I speak to Nic?" "Sure, which one?" "Nic XXXX" (where XXXX = my surname). "Sure, which one?" "Nicole XXXXX". "The blonde one or the brunette one?"

Not to mention how difficult it would be sorting out the mail!

Clouds

2007-11-28T12:21:00.000+10:00

Some days, clouds really scare me.

It goes with the territory of being slightly claustrophobic. I need to be able to see the SKY, the STARS, the endless space beyond. Not the crushing weight of grey.

Life's Legacy

2007-11-27T12:43:00.000+10:00

A conversation with my sister today got me thinking.

Sister 1 = Very well off, but no husband and no children.
Sister 2 = Fairly well off, a husband, no children.
Sister 3 = Average income, husband, child.

The three of us are a perfect example of how singles have huge earning power and don't need it whereas families who need the extra income don't have the opportunity to get it. It's no secret that I have a tonne of money compared to the average single woman. It's a combination of being very frugal, being in a high-earning industry, having no dependents, no physical assets and no ongoing debts. (Contents insurance? What contents?!)

I don't buy designer clothes. I'm saving for a trip into space.

But ultimately, what's more important? Riches or family? There can only ever be one answer to that and that's where I am left behind my sisters, while at the same time, I am so grateful to have them.

Single people NEED their families. But what happens when they're 80 and have no children to care for them? No grandchildren to buy presents for? No one to pass words of wisdom on to?

Community living would solve that problem but our society has evolved to scorn that.

Torn in two

2007-11-21T15:25:00.001+10:00

Is it common to feel torn in two? When you want two things that are completely opposite and you can only choose one?

I keep being faced with these decisions lately. How do you ever decide which is best when there is no best?

Keeping track of names

2007-11-20T10:02:00.000+10:00

Given the overwhelming number of my friends who have (1) Gotten married recently, and (2) had a baby, is it any wonder that I can never remember anyone's name?

Because not only have my girlfriends changed their SURNAMES, but I also now have to remember their husbands' names, AND their new baby's name (not to mention if the baby is a boy or a girl!) I have been mailing out cards this week and wow, it's tough. I need a new system, indexing the friends by their original names.

I really can't cook

2007-11-16T13:45:00.000+10:00

I really think I deserve an award for 'most disgusting meals ever'. Last night, I had a whole bunch of vegetables in my fridge. Okay, it was raw coleslaw mix (cabbage, corn, carrots, celery and lettuce), sprouts, and spinach leaves, but throw those together and they'll make a reasonable stir-fry, right?

Then I decided I was in the mood for red curry. Red curry stir-fry (made from coleslaw vegetables). Well, in my head, it sounded okay.

So I went out and bought curry paste and coconut milk. I ignored the instructions on the side of the pack that suggested chicken strips and rice... I was improvising!

The curry itself kept overboiling. I fried up some beef schnitzel to add protein to the mix, then ripped it into small pieces and threw it in the curry. I sizzled the vegetables until they were soggy. Then I tipped the entire mix of curry over the vegetables and let it simmer for a while.

IT TASTED SO HORRIBLE. SERIOUSLY, THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW BAD IT WAS.

But I still forced myself to eat it because after an hour's worth of preparation, I'm certainly not throwing it out!!!

Unsettled

2007-11-15T18:53:00.000+10:00

Thursday night and it's the worst possible week for my flatmate to be away. This is my 3rd lonely night in a row, no one to go home to, no friends in town to call. Usually I love this but my world has been shaken, I'm grieving, and the last thing I want to be is alone.

I'm scared of the dark and the empty.

2007-11-14T13:55:00.000+10:00

Our cat died. (Unexpectedly.)

LIFE SUCKS SOMETIMES.

That explains my mood for the last couple of days; it was the early-warning system kicking in. I get so tired of losing people/pets who mean a lot to me. Pippin was special. I loved him a lot. :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

And if I'm so torn up over this, how am I going to handle it when a person I love dies?

It's probably why I'm perpetually single. Why I won't get another pet of my own. Because the moment you open your heart to someone (pets are people too), you will ultimately be hurt by them because everything dies.

---

Who cares about a house or a job anyway?

Changes on the wind

2007-11-13T17:26:00.000+10:00

Today my house contract went unconditional. There are no more 'escape clauses' left.

Now that I'm used to the idea, I'm a mixture of happy/excited and sad. Happy/excited because I can't WAIT to have my own space again, somewhere that's not temporary. Because seriously, having gone from an apartment full of stuff to my old bedroom at my parent's house meant I was constantly surrounded by boxes.

On the downside, I won't see my parents and sister nearly as much. And that's sad because the relationships will become less close. I know my mum will miss me terribly.

I've really enjoyed this year of 'working from home' every so often. I get to chat to my mum, my sisters, I get to play with my nephew. (And I also get to run around doing errands and no one will notice if I'm back late from my 'lunch break' - I make up the time later of course!) It's been awesome. :D

And only 5 weeks to go....

Thankfully, no more deadly early flights after this!

Life Repeats

2007-11-12T15:39:00.000+10:00

I'm... unsettled. I can't think of a good reason for it (other than the fact that EVERYTHING IS CHANGING in the next 2 months). New house, new job, changing friendships... it's all so complex.

Add to this the fact that I seem to be REPEATING places of the summer of 2003 and it's freaking me out. Now, Spring/Summer of 2003 was the most insane, intense summer of my life. It was when I fell IN LOVE for the very first time. (Sure, there had been crushes, kisses, dates before then, but nothing that I'd ever seen as lasting.)

I went to "Wet and Wild" (a waterslide park) four years ago, and two days ago. You would not believe the memories that brought back. Last time at W&W, I was humming with excitement about my date later that night - I was having dinner with his parents for the first time (a very significant step). And afterwards, he said the most beautiful things to me that had me walking on air until I saw him again (which was only a day or so later anyway).

It was the most beautiful, romantic time of my entire life. I think first love must always be that for anyone. There's an innocence: you haven't yet had your heart broken, you believe that it's going to last forever. You've never even truly kissed someone before, not when it meant something. And even holding hands makes you think like you're going to explode with excitement because it all feels so wonderful and perfect.

There was the night we stayed out until dawn just gazing at the stars. The night he took me down to the park and played songs for me on his guitar, and sang to me. We'd go out to restaurants and constantly be kicked out at closing time, because we were too busy *talking* to notice the hours whizz by.

Seven-hour conversations, we used to have, and I've never repeated that feat with anyone since. We used to be tired ALL the time, both showing up to work late (because we'd been up so late the previous night) and yet we'd do it all over again 2 days later. There was the day I discovered a gash on my knee (we'd been making out in my car) and I never even noticed it at the time. Such was my distraction, my obsession, with him.

We chatted all day on MSN. Sent each other ridiculously long emails. Never, ever ran out of words to say. And of course, I was so sure that he was the most handsome man who had ever walked the face of the planet.

Those heady days. If he'd loved me as much as I loved him, I never would have moved to England. I would have been married, probably living in Canberra, certainly nowhere near as "wealthy" or well-travelled as I am now. Two very different life paths and the one I ended up on is not the one I chose.

Don't get me wrong, the experiences I've had on this path have been AMAZING. I did things I always wanted to do. I met some of my best friends. I learnt so much about the world. Some day, I'll be able to turn around and say that I know, conclusively, that this path was the best one. But that depends on me finding a love which is "greater" than what I experienced that first time and I do wonder if that is possible.

After all, historically, you always married your first love.

And perhaps the whole experience made me both far too cynical about 'love' and far too good at relying on myself, so much to the point where I'm reluctant to ever let anyone else totally in.

Songs that resonate - Pink

2007-11-05T11:37:00.000+10:00

Every time I hear Pink's song "Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)", I can't help but identify. It describes me perfectly. I love the idea of having someone there... but look what happened with my last relationship. I felt SO SMOTHERED.

"Go away
Come back
Go away
Come back
Why can't I just have it both ways"

Does that mean I am a total committment-phobe? The idea of having someone - anyone - THERE all the time would drive me up the wall.

"I don't wanna wake up with another
But I don't wanna always wake up with you either"

"Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you"

It's probably the most real song I've heard all year and I've been singing along for months.

2007-10-29T17:15:00.001+10:00

Do I need to be whacked over the head with the stupid-stick???

Watch this space.

Reunion in Rocky

2007-10-29T15:07:00.001+10:00

Some of my favourite people in the world are in the above photo. This was my "family" in Manchester, a wonderful group of people whom I hope to stay in touch with for the rest of our lives.

Seeing them all at Gregg and Elly's wedding was wonderful. The wedding itself was BEAUTIFUL, I've never seen a bride who had so much fun! *Congratulations Guys*!

2007-10-23T19:23:00.000+10:00

So here's the thing.

God doesn't want us to lie, right?

But what happens when telling the truth will hurt someone?

Everyone keeps asking me about X's plans - when is he arriving, what's his phone number, isn't he staying with you? I am finding it SO HARD to answer these questions. They all expect me to know his schedule backwards and usually I would, but not any more.

So I'm doing a lot of creative 'talking around' the issue. I can't come out and say, "Oh, he's not speaking to me anymore," because the immediate next question is 'why?' And of course I can't answer that. But people will gossip and speculate, and that will be hurtful to X. I know he doesn't want people speculating about his personal life.

And the only way to stop them wondering is to talk creatively around the truth.

Little Nic in the Big House

2007-10-23T19:18:00.000+10:00

For months I've been looking at houses and after some suggestions and help from my family, it seems I will very soon be a home owner.

This is both good and bad.

It's a big committment (the debt) and that terrifies me.

It's also making the final break from home. When I live in cities other than Brisvegas, it's not like I've 'left home' because I can always go back to visit. But if I'm living separately in the same city... that's it then. Sure, I'm definitely old enough to be out on my own. Sure, I've done it for a few years already! But it's certainly not the 'moving out' I anticipated, because I am moving out alone. Not to a spouse like all my siblings, but to a big empty house and me.

So assuming all goes well with the building and pest inspections, below are some photos of the soon-to-be-Nic-house!

Adventures in Cooking

2007-10-17T11:35:00.001+10:00

There's nothing more disappointing than actually putting effort into cooking... only to have it turn out absolutely disgusting.

Last night I had 'bits and pieces' that needed using up. I cooked meat (always gross). Then I chopped and fried an onion. You wouldn't think I could go wrong with this. After that, it was stir-fry vegetables (okay, a packet mix) but I threw in the onion myself. Then I added what I thought was Thai sauce but was actually more just flavoured water (it reeked of garlic).

End result? The meat was cold and congealed by the time the vegetables were done, and the vegetables were soggy with a HINT of ginger rather than the yummy stir-fry sauce I had anticipated. i.e. the whole thing tasted green, like celery and green mush.

But having invested so much effort in it, I HAD to eat it.

I should've stuck with frozen dinners. Much quicker and tastier!

Home Loan Panic

2007-10-16T14:52:00.000+10:00

As some of you know, I've been looking to buy a house for a lot of this year. It's such a scary thing. I've only been in debt once in my life (university) and got that paid off as fast as I could. Now I'm looking at a debt that will take me YEARS to pay off.

More than that, I'm out of a job in 2 months. Sure, there are 'options', but as we all learnt last year with the Edinburgh fiasco, a job isn't a job until you show up on the doorstep on Day 1. And even then, the project might shut down in your face.

Not even 2 hours after I made a private journal entry about my current fears did an old colleage email me with a very solid job opportunity for next year.

God is listening to me, watching over me.

Hey God? Want to send me a husband too? (Actually, that would be even better, HE could help me pay off the house and I could concentrate on being a good wife. ;)

Then again, I think I would go nuts without a job. There's something about too much thinking time that drives me insane. Even with the new prospect, I'm still looking at about 1 month out of work. Maybe I should take off to Thailand for a while? I've always wanted to do that!

Learning stuff

2007-10-04T15:09:00.001+10:00

My brain craves new knowledge lately. I think this 'thirst' was quenched with the endless travel the last 2 years, or perhaps that's what woke it up. I was constantly going to new places and learning SO MUCH when I visited the city/country. I would see the cultural artefacts, go to the local museum, eat the local food, wander through supermarkets and buy stuff I couldn't even read the names of (which led to some very interesting 'food experiences).

So I've taken to reading Wikipedia during my lunch hour. I start from the main page, click on the link that looks most interesting (they have a daily featured article and a list of events on this day in history), and from there, jump from link to link. Today I learned about lucid dreaming, "exploding head" syndrome, spontaneous human combustion, the Marshall Islands, Polynesian dialects, and a couple Van Gogh paintings.

A new breed of Nic

2007-10-02T18:06:00.000+10:00

Over a month now since X has spoken to me. He said our friendship wouldn't change. But it HAS. I'm SO MAD. Three years of friendship gone just like that. Not because of anything I did but something I just couldn't do, and that was love him in a romantic sense.

In some ways, it had to happen. We were emotionally reliant on each other. Too much; and when your best friend is someone platonic, of course you won't be out there seeking for that connection. You already have one. It's not 100% but it's certainly better than being lonely. And I think that's where I was selfish; I worried that we were too close (even though I made sure not to do ANYTHING that could be interpreted in a romantic manner and frequently told him he was like my brother) but I still didn't break off the friendship.

He broke it off for us. I thought it would just be scaled back, but now there's nothing.

I keep thinking of all the stupid little things I can't tell him. Everyday stories from my life because he listened to them. I wonder how he's going, what the future holds for him.

ARGH IT SUCKS SO MUCH.

I feel more on my own than I have in a long time because he really was my 'last close friend left'. As a result I'm trying to reach out to others again. Girls, even! Which is probably better for me in the long run.

The nature of love

2007-09-25T19:10:00.000+10:00

Until this year, I hadn't been near a baby in 18 years. That's a LOT of time. Sure, I sometimes saw them in the distance, but I didn't know anyone who had one. That's all changing now. 50% of my friends/family are pregnant. More than that, I have two BEAUTIFUL nephews. And through these boys, I'm learning more about love.

You see, I've been having a fight with 'love' this year. Romantic love wasn't strong enough to keep together a relationship. Friendship love wasn't strong enough to survive different countries. Family love was wonderful to come home to... but that's only one piece of the puzzle. And then there's God's love - but it seems so much more abstract than the others.

I feel like I'm going to burst because of love sometimes, because there's SO MUCH inside me wanting to get out, only ... only ... living in this void this year, there's been nowhere to channel it.
Which in turn, has allowed me to learn of a new kind of love. A nurturing love.

Babies don't judge. They don't discriminate. They smile, they show every emotion, they give love, and as a result, I can't help but give them as much of MY love as I can. It's different to any other way I've loved people. I want to protect and hold them and just being around them makes me happy.

I've discovered that one of my love languages IS physical touch. Now, I'd suspected this (whenever I have a boyfriend I'm constantly wanting to hold his hand/be connected to him), and with the babies, it's the same. I can spend hours rubbing their feet or back, holding them, just maintaining that physical connection. An outpouring of love, so to speak.

I'm beginning to understand how mothers can go on without husbands. How women will put their child above everything else. And how that must turn to pain when children grow up and leave home.

Which brings me full circle to my original position: love is given for a time but there are no guarantees of its return.

(And of course, I have that ever-present longing to be able to love one special man for the rest of my life.)

Hanging out for an intellectual conversation....

2007-09-25T12:21:00.000+10:00

Where have my intellectual friends gone? My brain is dying through masses of stupidity or surface conversations. Where are the people with whom I can have deep discussions over a Bible verse, a concept, the universe? Where's the DEPTH?

I just sent out a thought-provoking article to a group of friends, only to have them dismiss it with, "too long and boring, didn't read".

Sure, there are online conversations and communities, but that's not the same as face-to-face.

ARGH.

If I'm honest with myself, the role of intellectual debating partner has always been filled by a girlfriend from work/uni (these are all married now and therefore too focussed on their partners to have room for another intense friendship), or close male friends (again, these have drifted away because of their girlfriends/wives). I'm in that VOID where my closest friends have moved on to others and due to a series of betrayals earlier in the year, I'm hesitant to trust anyone new.

And so I languish in mental emptiness, turning to introspection, which in turn drives me mad. I'M SO BORED lately. I can clean, I can throw things out, I can blog, I can read, I can write my book... but where is life??? Where is the thrill of conversation, of learning, loving and laughing?!

Jo and Mark's wedding!

2007-09-10T16:20:00.000+10:00

I haven't updated this blog in far too long again - I've been recovering from my trip to the UK! This last weekend is the first I've had where I was in Brisbane and wasn't ridiculously exhausted. Just as well, because Jo got married! :)

Jo and Mark's wedding was SO BEAUTIFUL. It was also very exciting to see them on PAGE 15 of the state-wide newspaper the next day. I scanned the article so you can all enjoy it:
http://homepages.ihug.com.au/~jedinic/jo_mark_article.jpg

It's yet another of our TFN group to get married. So exciting, and Jo looked so beautiful.

(For those wondering, YES, Amy is pregnant.)

It was quite a simple wedding, but so elegantly done. Going to Parliament House was pretty cool, though. ;) And I'd never been to a wedding where EVERYONE was so well dressed (usually there's the random friend who has no idea how to put on a suit).

Since this is my blog, I also have to post a photo of me, since I love my dress. ;)

The Calm before the storm

2007-08-01T10:29:00.000+10:00

I've never been this organised for a trip. I have a folder that's an inch thick full of printed out bookings, maps, tour details. On top of that is everything for 'Operation Retrieve my stuff from the storage shed' - a huge undertaking in its own right!

Yet because I've been split between Rocky and Brisbane, and because there are always a million things going on, I was ready in advance. It's been busy, but not frantic, and I fly tonight and there's not much to do (except pack but as we all know, I'm only taking minimal items).

I'm so glad that I was prepared in advance because there have been a few unexpected nasty things crop up in the last couple of days:
- My Rocky housemate resigning (so now I'm stuck with an empty, expensive house on my own!)
- JR not being able to find a company to pack his boxes, so now that's my job in the UK too
- My waitlisted flight came through at the last minute, meaning a quick re-shuffle of the itinerary!
- Trying to co-ordinate with Xtina, whom is only in Bris for a short time and I haven't seen her in a year!

And if I'm lucky, I'll find time to get my hair done.

I am almost looking forward to the plane tonight - all of the dramas will be over and since I have such a well-scheduled, organised holiday, I don't have to do anything but enjoy it. :D

Winter in Rockhampton

2007-07-25T14:20:00.000+10:00

I confess, Rocky is working its way into my heart. The mountains, the clear air, the walk through the forest every morning and the sense of peace up here. Away from the city and everything. :)

Today is the most gorgeous day. Sure, it's the middle of winter. I walked to work wearing a skirt and sleeveless shirt. How wonderful is that?! :D :D :D

I read the final Harry Potter book. Woah. I won't say any more because I know people are still reading it, but I loved it, and my favourite character made it out alive. Which of course made me very happy!

I'm still madly booking things for my UK trip, and at the same time, applying for a job in South Africa. Oh wanderlust, you never leave, do you? ;)

The Wheel of Time

2007-07-09T11:32:00.000+10:00

Last night I had my first 'back in the UK' dream. 3 and a half weeks until I fly. I'm SO EXCITED. I got to speak to Helen on the phone yesterday and it was wonderful!

Sure, I'm apprehensive, because it won't be my 'UK Life', it's a 2 week trip to visit friends, go to a wedding, empty a storage shed and see a little more of the countryside. In essence, the things I meant to do before glandular fever struck me down and the hoped for jobs didn't eventuate. Almost a year on, I get to go back. :D

I have 6 months of my Rocky job left and now I'm starting to worry about what's next after that. Because this year is certainly never where I expected to be - and I've grown to love Rocky, the 'seachange in the middle of nowhere', for the beautiful outdoors, slow-paced lifestyle, chance to deepen friendships and breathe. The Capricorn Coast region is SO beautiful. Now I know this year long 'interlude' was meant to be.

God directs my life in ways I never quite expect.

I've done so much 'growing and reflecting' in recent months. Trying to face my own selfishness, and I have, somewhat, along the lines that it's acknowledged but I'm not quite at that stage where I can change. And part of me wonders if this is a life choice: maybe I AM one of those people who is happier on her own rather than compromising within a relationship. A marriage would be so much work, Every Single Day. And it seems that lately, I can only see the 'bad' in that and can't comprehend any good that would be worth all that hard work, disappointment and compromise.

Then again, maybe I'm just drifting. I attempted to buy a house and didn't - just too much of a committment, too much to 'tie me down'. If you have a house, impulsive trips overseas just aren't a reality and I'm not ready to give those up just yet. You could say my upcoming trip to the UK is impulsive - yes it is, I don't REALLY need to go to Linda and Mark's wedding - but I want to. I want to see my friends again. I want to experience LIFE in all of its fabulousness around the globe and I don't want to sit in Brisbane saving money to pay off my house!

So yes, I'm being frivoulous again. There is just so much out there to see and do.

On the flip side, if I do want a family, time is running out. Do I want children? I can't answer that. I know that I LOVE being an aunt and I adore Ozzie and Lachie so much. Babies are gorgeous! But again, the idea of that much responsibility, that much sacrifice, freaks me out. I've done some reading how families are God's great plan - a husband, children, keep us from becoming self-absorbed. It's a growing experience and you can only ever remain humble when your focus is on others. Living the single life, my focus is on me, my loyalty is not split.

So where to beyond this year? I don't know. I still hope to work in other countries. I'm exploring options. I've re-assessed friendships, given up on some people (yes, me, the girl who never used to give up has finally realised I'm only hurting myself), gotten tougher, and I don't think I'm as 'nice' as I used to be. That could be a good thing, meaning I won't get walked over any more.

(I do blame some of the 'not-so-nice' stuff on continuing illness-related exhaustion 'blahs'. If I don't get the required 9 hours sleep, oh, I get grumpy. I don't like it but I chalk it up as a GF-side-effect and know that the effects are fading with time.)

Oh, and one final comment - winter WITHOUT the beauty of central heating is really quite miserable. Especially when you work from home and shiver all day. :(

Run without crawling

2007-06-07T17:05:00.000+10:00

My mother told me a story, of how I didn't start crawling until 10 months (late), but after doing that for a week, decided I didn't like it and walked instead (early).

That's a metaphor for my whole life, actually. I commence 'life events' later than others, but skip ahead all of the learning/initial stages and go straight to the hard stuff. I observe for as long as possible before finally committing to do it and once I'm committed, there is no way I'm going to fail.

[The best example I have of this is moving out of home... yes, it was later than average, but it was to the other side of the planet with little help whatsoever. :)]

Left behind

2007-05-28T15:15:00.000+10:00

God seems to be 'removing' friends from my life lately. People are focussing on their new relationships, or they've entered a new 'life stage' that I'm not in, and no matter how much I might want it, I can't be part of (e.g. the newly engaged, the young marrieds, the new parents).
I'm so tired of being left behind. Every few years it's the same: meet fabulous new people and then suddenly once they find their 'one true love' I'm out of the picture and have to start all over again.

Of course, merely by posting this, I'm sounding bitter and grumpy, and it's true, I am a lot grumpier these days. I don't want to be but I think it's a side-effect of everything else (ongoing pain, life upheaval, rejection). I'm used to being Sunshine!Nic not Grumpy!Nic but it's the latter one that keeps rearing her head.

One would hope that some true friends would come to my aid to cheer me up but of course the best ones are overseas. :( Or they've ditched me already. :p

In other, happier news, Pirates! It was a very cool movie.

Reflections on a 2 year adventure

2007-05-23T15:21:00.000+10:00

I've been transferring all of my photos to my new computer. Of course I couldn't help browsing through them... and I realised something quite interesting.

My 'crazy travel schedule', all of the amazing places I saw in Europe, Africa, the USA... it doesn't mean nearly as much to me as the photos of Manchester do. The friends I had there, the friends I miss so very much.

I made a life there. I always knew it was temporary, but it was *oh so special*, and now I wish I'd taken MORE photos of my friends instead of other countries.

Dreaming of an English Summer

2007-05-14T17:16:00.000+10:00

It gets dark around 5pm at the moment in Brisbane. It makes me so sad. Even though I am a 'night person' and love the dark, there's something equally beautiful about daylight until 11 o'clock at night.

That's how it was in an English summer. Hours upon hours of daylight and even if the sky was grey, the daylight still made me happy. There was just a 'buzz' in the air, the ability to be out so late without fear. :)

I wish we had daylight saving in QLD, because even in the height of summer, it still gets dark around 7pm.

I'm not feeling particularly well lately, after the brilliant few weeks I had of feeling SO energised (including the trip to Keppel Island!) the fatigue came back. And of course catching a simple flu is 10 times worse. Not to mention the ex-broken leg which keeps hurting, but that was because I ran on Keppel Island (impact sports hurt). And why did I run? If I didn't run I would have missed the boat and been stuck on the island another day. Which wouldn't have been such a bad thing.... ;)

But seriously, I have such a bad sense of direction. I thought I was on the close beach and had plenty of time to get to the boat but as I approached the cliffs, it seemed apparent that ANOTHER bay stretched out before me, so I had to run about 4km, 500m over rocks (so more rock-hopping than running!) while wearing a bikini and no shoes, and hoping desperately that my energy didn't run out before I got there.

I made it. Yay for stubborn perserverence!!!

Hopeful

2007-04-20T15:23:00.000+10:00

I feel really strong this week. :) I've climbed a mountain, swum a lot, gone out every night (even to Yeppoon and what an amazing memory-lane trip that was!) and this is on top of my 7 hour drive on Sunday night.

I've been pushing it. And I don't feel awful. Does that mean that GF is finally in remission? For good???

If I have no relapse this weekend (I'm going to a tropical island), I will be VERY happy.

Pretty bruises

2007-04-19T11:45:00.000+10:00

It's not every day you can say you got hit by a flying brick!

Thankfully, Jono deflected it just enough to prevent it from hitting my head and it got my arm instead. Hence the rather colourful bruises that have decorated my arm the past few days, and yeah, they're pretty sore.

Moral of the story: it's not a good idea to weigh down a tarp with bricks, because when the wind comes up, mayhem ensues!

Persisting dreams

2007-04-18T10:59:00.000+10:00

Over the past several weeks, I've had a recurring theme throughout my dreams. I wonder if it's God trying to tell me something or is it more that it's a subconscious desire of mine that makes itself known through dreams?

It's something I've chosen not to act on, but the dreams persist.

What would you do?

Maroon Dam at sunset

2007-04-12T10:17:00.000+10:00

This is where we go water-skiing. So beautiful. :)

Male/Female friendship

2007-04-12T10:14:00.000+10:00

This is a fabulous article, talking of the perils of male/female friendship.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001200.cfm

I'll be honest here - I love my male friends. Truth is, I probably love them so much BECAUSE I'm not married: I have that deep need for male companionship and since that's not fulfilled marriage-wise, I turn to the next best thing, male friendship.

But as this article points out, there's a danger in that.

I've noticed male friends in my life 'drop away' when a woman comes onto the scene and he becomes consumed with her. And although I can't be upset with him for that, it does leave a hole in my life.

Conversely, I think I cling to my 'brothers' a little too much at times. Especially when they're a person who is beautiful inside, someone who would make a wonderful husband, and of course I am drawn to that even though I recognise that it's not romantic love in the traditional sense.
Perhaps I should just concentrate on female and group friendships, but then I feel like there's a whole dimension of my life missing and yes, I can try to fill that gap with God, but it's not the same.

AGMF

2007-04-11T09:14:00.000+10:00

The Australian Gospel Music Festival was so much fun - it was my second time and dustier than I remembered, but the company made it worth it. :)

This photo doesn't show everyone, but I am lucky to have such an awesome group of friends who put up with me even when I get (very) grumpy on my birthday!

One of the highlights was seeing "Half Way Out" - who drew a huge crowd - and they were awesome!!! Of course the youngest Puk HAD to come along to see his father perform....

And of course, with Kerryn in the group, you do get to take a lot of silly photos! Although I really should photoshop Danny's body out.

Late night calls

2007-04-04T12:27:00.000+10:00

I have a couple of male friends who randomly call me late at night.

And it got me thinking. Am I just a 'late night comfort call'? If I were married, they certainly wouldn't be calling me. If they had girlfriends, they'd call them. So what does that make me? The 'backup girlfriend who is on call when I need her'? Should I be upset by this behaviour? Maybe I should just stop answering.

I'm really questioning male/female friendships lately. They do fulfil an emotional need - and by the very filling of that need, it keeps you further from marriage. After all, how can a potential spouse move into a space that's already taken up?

Of course, I then look at my life, and most of my closest friends are guys. Oops.

Through a pane of glass

2007-03-30T13:51:00.000+10:00

Do you ever feel disconnected from the world? Like... you're trying to reach out and touch it but you can't because there's that pane of glass in the way. It both protects and suffocates and sometimes, it means that no one can hear you screaming. Because maybe you don't want them to.

We're all human and we have our fralities and I've been going through a very transitional time. I knew it was coming, I knew it was going to be difficult, but never considered it would be overly traumatic. But change IS traumatic. Especially when you go from being one person to another, returning to an old world, not sure just how you fit into it any more.

---

Sarah Carter (remember her from the infamous SNL talk?), author of "Single Christian Female", someone I have both met and admire, is getting married. That makes me (unreasonably?) happy. She's another one of 'us', beautiful women who somehow missed the marriage-boat in their twenties, but eventually did find someone to love who actually loved her too. I think it's so much harder once your identity is formed; you don't have that chance to 'grow together in your youth'. You have to be willing to change, open to new opinions and directions, and when you've been 'someone' for quite a while and someone else comes along and tells you that you're wrong... it's tough. How do people ever compromise on that? Should they?

---

I've been thinking about my sleeping habits. I average 10 hours a night at least 4 nights a week. That seems ... excessive. Think of all the other things I could be doing if I had that 8 hours back! No wonder life seems squeezed tight lately. Even though it shouldn't be, yet other than the time constraints of work, so much seems... boring. Empty. Pale.

---

I went to Adelaide to visit Ellie and Jordan and it was WONDERFUL. A much needed breath of fresh air. I have missed those two and feel blessed to know them. :)

Baby Number 2!

2007-02-28T10:57:00.000+10:00

I flew home a day early to go see Junis and new baby Oziah (and Jono too, of course!) 2 babies in 3 days. That's what I was alluding to in the end of my last post, we just weren't allowed to say anything yet!

Oziah is adorable - I got to hold him for quite a while and it was funny watching his eyes roam all around the room!

Junis is not so good thanks to incompetent doctors. :( I nearly fainted when I went to see her in hospital, not that she looks that terrible, but the idea of MY sister in hospital and hurting, and needles and drips and stuff.... it turns my stomach. I hate hospitals, I really do. And I don't trust doctors.

It's probably an irrational fear based on past experience (both the glandular fever fiasco last year and the experiences when I was 16) but in both cases it was significant mis-diagnosis leading to more unwellness. And with Junis, it's partially the same case (although you would hope that the overall effect was better rather than worse).

Just... ick. Medical stuff.

So I will concentrate on the new babies instead. It is exciting. :D I'm not so anti-baby after all.

Crazy Day!

2007-02-25T23:33:00.000+10:00

Oh what a day. But SO MUCH FUN! I will leave you with some photos to tell the story. :D

That's (half) the gang at the airport - can you guess who we are waiting for? ;)

The long-lost Danny! Far too happy to see sunshine and flowers again!

And after that excitement, I had a new family member to greet.

Cass, Greg and Lachlyn. What a gorgeous little family! He is so cute! (Not my bro, my newphew.)

It's Aunt Nic! (I've never been an aunt before so this is all new to me.)

And we ended the day with a massive waterslide. :D

(Then there was one more surprise to come....)

Back where I started?

2007-01-27T00:31:00.000+10:00

I grew up in Yeppoon, on the Capricorn Coast. It was only a few years of my childhood but they're the ones I remember best, sun-dazzled memories of life on Meikleville Hill, with ocean views, a forest behind us, and friends on every street. It was idyllic.

And now, I work in Rockhampton, half an hour's drive from that tropical coast, but it still feels like a swamp in the heat. (A good heat, remember that I love it!) Did I ever expect to end up here? Well, no. But it's a wonderful job with some fabulous people and I can fly back to Brisbane every weekend. :D

I'm still not recovered from GF but I know how to manage it (much earlier bedtimes and no racing off to foreign countries). I do really miss England, I miss my 'life' there, but I'm adjusting. Doing this for a while - even though a contract has been signed, I don't think of a particular end date. I will stay in Rocky until it's time to move on again.

The older I get, the more of a drifter I become: I'm so used to change now that the idea of remaining in one place terrifies me. I need to be free to run through the world, meet new people, make new friends, and at the same time, spend time at home with all my family and friends whom I love so much. How to balance that? I'm not sure, I'm still learning. The one thing I do know is that I never want to stop learning, never want to stop having new experiences, because THAT is the great adventure of life.

Glandular Fever

2006-11-05T00:06:00.000+10:00

That's my official diagnosis. It certainly explains a lot, like the ludicrous levels of exhaustion, the continuing 'unwellness', and the complete immunity to alcohol at Amy's Hen's night last weekend!

So it looks like I'm staying in Brisbane for longer than I thought. :) Aside from missing JR, that's a wonderful thing. It's such a wonderful time to be here because there's so much going on: weddings, parties or just hanging out. Then again, wasn't it always like this? :D

Surprise!

2006-10-13T11:35:00.000+10:00

It's been a fun few days. I couldn't bear to stay in Manchester any longer so as soon as JR was gone, I booked myself a flight outta there. A nice journey to Kuala Lumpur, a 1.5 day stopover in blissful 30 degree heat where I wandered through parks, swam, walked in a rainstorm and did some shopping as well, and then...

home to Aus. No one knew I was coming. It was BRILLIANT seeing the looks on everyone's faces. I just rocked up on the doorstep (lucky my brother was home!) and spent the next day and a half surprising people. :D

Now I have to figure out what to do next. The main thing on the agenda is RECOVER because I am still kinda frail after all of the illness. But warm, sunny Brisvegas, with the love of my family, is a pretty good cure. :)

Homeless and Jobless

2006-10-08T09:50:00.000+10:00

As my recovery continues, I find myself moving from friend's place to friend's place. I said goodbye to JR on Friday (and even typing that is hard), and have been staying at Bruce's. Tomorrow I go to Mel's in London - and I'm thinking about spending a couple of days at a Health Spa. Just to treat myself while I 'wait'.

Life in limbo. It's interesting. I'm so lucky to have friends to take me in while I figure out what's next.

Coughing up pieces of tonsil

2006-10-07T03:31:00.000+10:00

Yes, really. It's a whole new experience.

MESSAGE FOR DANNY - I won't make it to Oslo either. :( :( :( But at least the infection is finally starting to clear up and I don't have to go into hospital.

MESSAGE FOR EVERYONE: Edinburgh fell through, but there is another potential job that I'm waiting to hear about. It should be confirmed early next week. If not, waitress-land, here I come!

Looking on the Bright Side

2006-10-05T06:43:00.000+10:00

So I'm stuck in Manchester longer than I thought I would be... but on the bright side, it's been pretty amazing getting to spend this 'bonus time' with JR.

I fall more in love every day, not for any particular reason, it's more just being around him. :) (Saying goodbye on Friday, even though it's temporary, is going to hurt so much.)

Hopefully tomorrow I can get my tonsil drained so that I will be able to eat solid food again. Then... will I make it to Oslo?

Unhappy health update

2006-10-04T01:03:00.000+10:00

4th doctor visit today, to find out that yes, I AM horribly allergic to not only the first, but the replacement medications they gave me. No wonder I felt so ill.

It's 'acute tonsillitis'.

I have new medication and I REALLY hope I'm not going to react badly to this too.

If my tonsils haven't improved by Friday, I have to go into hospital to have them drained.

If that doesn't help, it might be glandular fever.

Joy.

I WISH I WAS IN NORWAY!!! :( :( :(

I feel even worse because I've abandoned Danny there on his own and we were going to have so much fun! I really hope I get better in the next 48 hours so I can do at least part of the trip....

Stuck in Manchester

2006-10-02T20:43:00.000+10:00

Tonsillitis took a turn for the worse. This is the sickest I can ever remember being. With vomiting every few hours there was no way I was getting on a plane to Norway.

So...am at JR's and he is being AMAZING to me. He's taken such good care of me. I am so lucky to have him. The only problem is, now he's coming down with it too. :(

Unemployed

2006-09-29T19:19:00.000+10:00

It's my last day of work. To celebrate, all of the 'office rules' are being broken and JR kissed me good morning in the corridor.

Also, I have tonsilitus. YAY. (not) I barely slept last night due to pain and have not packed at all. When Danny arrives tomorrow, I'll be puttin' the boys to work. ;)

Oktoberfest

2006-09-26T20:21:00.000+10:00

This photo needs to be captioned 'Nic realises that it is actually VERY easy to load photos into a blog!'

Me with 1L of beer. :D Ah, Munich.

Oh dear

2006-09-26T02:27:00.000+10:00

I leave Manchester in 5 days.

I have so much work (paid job) work to do.

I have not begun to pack up my flat.

I have not figured out my flights from Norway to Mexico.

I have 'goodbye events' on every night this week.

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

This shows what falling-in-love will do to you; it makes you not notice the passage of days!

Then again, I suspect I do this on purpose, leave everything until the last minute so that I'm so busy that the pain, of leaving friends and a big part of my LIFE, is lessened.

I will miss Manchester. It's where I found 'me'. Living here almost 2 years has caused me to grow so much and although it was very tough at times, I would not trade the experience for anything.

Ein Prosit!

2006-09-19T02:41:00.000+10:00

Ah, Oktoberfest. Yes, my Aussie friends, it happens in September in Deutschland. And it was SO MUCH FUN.

Every time I visit Germany, I grow to love it more. Is it because it's my ancestral home? Or is it just the wonderful organisation, respect for rules and authority, and quaint charm of the people? The beauty of embracing a cultural festival (Oktoberfest) where they're not afraid to dress up and drink beer and eat meat, yet not become horribly unruly? Germans are just SO GOOD at organisation!

Elly & I visited Neuschwanstein Castle, the fairytale castle in some of the most breathtaking surroundings I've ever seen. I missed this on the big Europe trip with Danny, Tuna etc and am so glad I finally got to see it. And since we were so close to Austria, OF COURSE we had to drive across the border and managed to see an awesome waterfall.

Foodwise, I had more beer than I've had in my life, and dinner on Saturday was half a fried chicken. Yikes. Munich's atmosphere was carnival like, with parades and costumes and 'vibe'.

SUCH AN AWESOME WEEKEND.

Even if I did end up with Bruce's beer all over me (you shouldda seen us when we staggered off the plane, exhausted, happy, warpaint all over our faces, reeking of alcohol, but sad to have left). Not to mention the whole underwear-ripping-off incidents (not mine, but it happened to half the boys!) while the girls watched in horror and amusement.

And German beer-drinking songs! I almost never wanted it to end. Dancing on tables and singing and 1L beers and throwing clothing and beer wenches and so much atmosphere and laughter and group hugs.

But you know, there were wonderful things about coming home to Manchester too, like JR waiting for me with roses. :) :) :)

Cancelling Stuff

2006-09-07T01:56:00.000+10:00

I've had a most productive afternoon researching how to turn everything 'off'.

Phone, Internet, Water, Electricity, rent payments, Council Tax payments, and if I've missed something obvious then let me know.

I HATE MOVING. So much stupid 'stuff' that you have to think about.

And I haven't even considered packing yet!

---

On another note, Xtina went home today and I miss her already! We had the most fantastic time - even if we did get drenched at the Lakes District! She's one of my international friends that I know I'll run into in another country someday, but never knowing where or when.

Xtina

2006-09-01T01:33:00.000+10:00

Tonight, Xtina is coming to visit for a week! I can't wait!!!

Although I realised today that she's a friend I've never said 'goodbye' to, because ever since I've known her, we've been living in relatively the same part of the world. That may change soon. :(

She'll be the first of the 'friends from home' to meet JR. The first one who knows Rochedale-Nic to see Manchester-Nic-with-a-boyfriend.

5 weeks

2006-08-25T20:48:00.000+10:00

In 5 weeks...

...I have no job.
...I have no apartment.
...I have no idea where to go.

So I've booked a 1-way ticket to the Arctic Circle. Hopefully Danny & I will see the Northern Lights there!

And beyond that? Who knows. WHAT AN ADVENTURE!!!

Nic and Basil

2006-08-24T00:22:00.000+10:00

Nic and Basil have a beautiful relationship. She smiles at him, hugs him, talks to him, and he holds her up like a princess. He's strong, sure, steadfast... and just a little strong-willed.

Basil wanted to eat something that wasn't good for him. Nic told him not to. A tug-of-war ensued...

...and now Nic has a swollen foot with a hoof-print shaped bruise.

(sigh)

Still, it doesn't hurt as much as the leg which resulted in the funniest date of my life: me'n'JR in the emergency room.

Permasmile

2006-08-17T00:24:00.000+10:00

Because of the absolute bliss lately, I haven't been paying that much attention to my leg.

But it's aching a lot today. I'm 90% certain I fractured it again in last week's horse-riding fall. I just have been too busy spending time floating to be bothered getting it officially checked out.

'Cause who wants to waste time in an emergency room when you could be canoodling in elevators instead? ;)

Headspin days

2006-08-11T19:54:00.000+10:00

My weight drops daily. There's a glow in my eyes. I'm so tired but I barely notice. I walk to work smiling and singing.

You know what this is.

It's just ... surreal. Given my dating history I still find it so amazing that someone would want to spend all this time with me. We're one of THOSE couples, constantly holding hands, constantly hugging etc. I feel like I live in a timeless void where the days are filled with the pretence of work and the nights are one endless conversation with him. There is no other time.

(My 'urgent to do' pile grows bigger on a daily basis but I barely notice.)

Just so many beautiful moments, or hours, over a timespan of only a few days (or a few weeks?) yet as I said before, it seems timeless.

Who knew Manchester could be so beautiful?

How did I get here???

And how is it that everything fell into place so easily? Hand of God. At no other time in the past 2 years have I had such an empty calendar (yes, you can argue that I would've rescheduled things anyway), but you see... the time was there. I was there. Here. Manchester. And now so is he.

<-- Yes, my friends, I know this is my sappiest post every. Turns out I AM a girl and a very girly one at that!

First public outing

2006-08-09T23:02:00.000+10:00

JR kissed me in front of the coffee guy.

So I guess he won't be flirting with me any more!

Not that I mind. ;)

Life...it surprises you

2006-08-07T09:58:00.000+10:00

I have an American boyfriend.

:D

It's been a trippy last few weeks, SO much fun, and tonight the unacknowledged 'thing' was acknowledged, and ... yeah. :D

New Coffee Guy

2006-08-01T19:52:00.000+10:00

That didn't take long, did it? He starts making my coffee the moment I walk in the door without having to ask. ;) It's just so nice to have people to chat to first thing in the morning!

Lovely neighbours

2006-08-01T03:26:00.000+10:00

Friday night. 2am. Nic is just home from the best date she's had in a YEAR and is looking at the ceiling and contemplating sleep, when she hears a strange noise, like heavy rain hitting her window.

This is the problem with living in a block of apartments. You see, it seems that one of her neighbours was feeling a little sick. And decided that it was easier to vomit out of the window rather than find a bucket.

EW!!!!! I can't believe my bedroom window got covered in vomit!

Grossness #2 of the weekend: I went out dancing with some girlfriends. The club was crowded. I was stunning (I wore the NEW YORK dress and my hair was long and shiny). Guys kept trying to dance with me. And... I got groped at least 3 times by people I couldn't even see (it was that dark and crowded).

Sigh. I guess a girl just can't go out dancing in straight clubs.

But aside from these 2 nasty events, my world is pretty happy and shiny lately. :) Life surprises you with beautiful people.

Dead pigeons?

2006-07-26T23:17:00.000+10:00

I keep seeing dead birds everywhere. I hope it's not bird flu and rather a side effect from the unnatural (but certainly welcome) UK 'heatwave'.

2 weeks of sunshine...

2006-07-26T03:50:00.000+10:00

...and I feel like I'm walking on air.

So much expectation. So much potential. I feel so alive!

Those summer clothes I never thought I'd wear in the UK? I've now worn everything THREE TIMES. And yes, I washed them in between. :p

Tricked

2006-07-22T02:59:00.000+10:00

When it comes to dating, I like to be totally in control. It's always my choice.

I just got tricked into a date with a rich older man. Cr@p.

2006-07-21T01:51:00.000+10:00

Fabulous quote:

"Being friends with the opposite sex is great, but most guy-girl friendships need to be clarified at some point. ...in every guy-girl non-dating relationship, one person or the other at some point wants the relationship to go further than just a friendship. Think about it, if it’s not you, it’s probably them."

From here.

Of BBQs and Ice

2006-07-20T20:38:00.000+10:00

It's been ~30 degrees for the last few days. No rain for an entire week. Wonderful! And it seems in this weather, the English go BBQ-crazy. I have been to three in the last week and am starting to turn into a burger myself.

In this hot weather, one also needs ice. When it's in a great big frozen block of it, inspired individuals decide that the best way to break it up into usable pieces is ... to throw it off the balcony.

Great in theory. Great in practice, if you get the angle just right and wrap it in 4 plastic bags so you can drink it once it's smashed. But when you don't throw it properly it and it just kind of skids across the courtyard... it makes sense that you would throw it down again, right?

Of course, this depends on having a person in the courtyard with the throwing ability to get it back UP to you on the 2nd floor balcony.

And if their throwing arm isn't too good, it's more than likely that they will actually throw a block of ice onto your neighbour's balcony. Smashing against the glass door.

Oops.

Girly

2006-07-18T20:28:00.000+10:00

It's hot in the city (almost 30!)... and I get to dress like a girl. Skirts and cute shirts and open-toe shoes and jewellery and ponytails and it's wonderful. This is one of the reasons I love summer. I can dress pretty instead of hiding under 5 layers in an an attempt to stay warm.

Last night I wore a tank top and tiny skirt that I've only worn once since I left Brisvegas. And boots. I LOVE that outfit. I feel tough, like I can kick things, and I danced all the way down the road to horse riding 'cause I felt ALIVE! Tiny, tough Nic. Who cartwheels.

Some people think short skirt+ankle boots = BAD but I love it. :) I make my own fashion statements and don't care what the world thinks.

Corporate Nic

2006-07-14T02:11:00.000+10:00

From the outside, I'm the girl that appears to have it all. Fabulous career, travel opportunities, lifestyle, family, looks and confidence. A girl for whom opportunities just seem to drop out of the sky.

In the last week, the Canadian Visa came through and now it seems London will too. They seem prepared to do almost anything to keep me on. I networked with the company VIPs and was treated as the 'golden child'.

In a world where everyone struggles for jobs, it's always been far too easy for me and I've never quite understood why. I don't even really LIKE what I do; I just happen to be good at it and it pays a lot of money. Yup, I've sold out my soul for $. (Well, £.)

I wonder when I'll be brave enough to change?

I am REALLY wanting a cat lately. Something to come home to and hug. Maybe I should buy a stuffed one. Shouldn't I be stronger than that?

The Giant's Causeway

2006-07-14T00:43:00.000+10:00

Dear everyone I know:

If I am ever proposed to, it has to happen at Fingal Head, northern NSW. It's Australia's version of the Giant's Causeway and it's just BEAUTIFUL. So, my dear friends who are reading this, remember this so you can tell the guy in question when he someday needs to know.

I love headlands. I love the ocean. Black rocks and crashing waves and the blue so deep it's almost black. When you stand upon the cliff edge and feel the roar of the icy wind. I spent hours hiking around Northern Ireland last weekend, from the sea to the glens (such beautiful forests with waterfalls!) and back to the cliffs again. It's one of the most beautiful countries I've seen in a while.

I had intended to spend some time in Belfast but it just couldn't compete with the headlands, beaches and ruined castles of the northern coast. Nature. REAL STUFF. Real air. It lets me breathe.

Manchester is killing me

Yoho!

2006-07-14T00:42:00.000+10:00

So I was a 'teensy' bit excited about the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Let's be honest here, I've had a love affair with pirates ever since The Secret of Monkey Island and its sequels; incredible adventure games that used up a lot of my free teenage hours. There was just something so magical about the quest to become a pirate, sailing between mystical islands, romance, danger, intrigue... and some of the funniest lines you'll ever hear. Elaine remains one of my heros and I was always a little in love with Guybrush Threepwood.

Flash forward to 2003 and hey! It's a Pirate movie! I knew I was going to love it even BEFORE the world discovered how good it was. With characters like Captain Jack and the delicious Orlando Bloom, not to mention the fiery Elizabeth, it was like STAR WARS for a new generation.
Which is why my friends and I had to celebrate the new film. Yes, there were costumes. Yes, there was a party. And then there was the movie itself. SO MUCH FUN! Especially when you're catching the tram through Manchester and people keep trying to figure out just why you and your band of friends are wearing eyepatches and carrying (plastic) cutlasses....

If anyone's hesitating about seeing 'Pirates', don't. It made me laugh and it's rare that a film does that for me. Yes, it was a bit dark in places, but how awesome to see a movie that's an adventure! With sparkling characters and humour! And the sea....

(It's no secret that I love the ocean.)

But that's a story for another time.

Been huntin' hobbits

2006-07-05T19:10:00.000+10:00

I'll confess. I thought I was over it. Friends of mine camped out for the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' premiere in London and yes, I was tempted (especially afterwards when I saw the photos of them with the stars).

Yet I'd done the 'mature' thing. Gone to work instead. Put that kind of fannish behaviour in my past.

Until last night, 10:30 pm, and a friend texted me to say she'd just seen Elijah Wood on Oxford Rd, which is literally 2 minutes from my apartment. (He was at the performance of his girlfriend's band.)

And there went my night. ;) Okay, we never actually found him, but it was FUN. Sure, I could've been sleeping. Sure, I knew there was little chance of seeing him (and even if we did, what were we going to do anyway?) But that wasn't the point. The point was doing something a 'bit different' just because I could.

2 days of Summer

2006-07-03T20:57:00.000+10:00

There's heat out there and I can hear 'IT' which is that low thrum of the planet earth. It's not something I can quite explain but it's a deep breath, a sound of... the alien beauty/rush/magnificence of life. Everything moves with perfect beauty.

I imagine I can hear the ocean in the distance but it's only the motorway.

Overthinking

2006-06-30T23:11:00.000+10:00

This is what happens to Nic when she's crazy-busy with work. I could tell you how, but I find it exceedingly boring to read about other people's jobs so I won't. ;)

It's just weird... the more mental energy I expend at work, the more I 'think about' my entire life as a whole and start to analyse (even more than usual) who I am and where I'm going and is there such a thing as 'happily ever after'?

Dudes, I am On Fire.

Spiritual Gifts

2006-06-30T02:19:00.000+10:00

Every so often, I do the test to reveal my Spiritual Gifts. Some remain constant (Knowledge/Wisdom), whereas others seem to fluctuate in strength.

This time.... Missionary came up.

It makes sense for me. My entire life, many of my best friends have been from different cultures. I love connecting with a person from 'elsewhere'. It also goes hand in hand with my extreme desire to travel.

Hope City (my church in Manchester) is changing me.

I've never particularly cared about my own career: it's what I do to make enough money for a trip into space (and I just happen to be particularly good at it). Space is my calling. But perhaps People are too.

Starchaser

2006-06-28T02:46:00.000+10:00

As always, I had an awesome weekend. Even with the crippling jet-lag (I was falling asleep ALL the time... I suspect the exhaustion was flu-related as well).

Saturday I volunteered with Starchaser, a small company that builds rockets and is paving the way for Space Tourism. I met the COOLEST PEOPLE, people who think 'crazy space things' just like me. It was awesome. As most of you know, getting into space is my life-long dream and I can finally see evidence of that starting to happen. More than that, I can be involved. They're doing a test rocket launch in August and I plan to be there. :)

Sunday morning I was a bit home-sick. I called a couple of people in Aus but there was really nothing to say (after all, I'd just been there!) Despite feeling exhausted I dragged myself to church, then the picnic with my friends, and then on to 'The Event' (kind of like a Hillsong rally) in Sheffield. The entire day was awesome, and that was because of my friends. I had one of thotse 'life changing' conversations with Justin & Justin on the way home. Such beautiful guys, those two.

And this is the important part. After the all of the emotion during my visit to Australia, I felt like I got back to 'me'. That single & confident girl who can do a thousand things on her own. So very independent.

This messes with my head.

In Brisbane my life is intertwined with people. I become less of an entity and more of a 'part of the group'. Less confident. Less audacious. Softer. Quieter. Less willing to speak my mind. This is not a good thing, people. I wanted to have those 'awesome conversations' with my friends in Brisvegas too but because I became old-Nic, I didn't know how to.

How do I fix this?!

Or am I thinking about it too much?!

Australia

2006-06-24T00:23:00.000+10:00

How do I put into words what visiting home was like? And after that trip, I can say with certainty that it IS home. I have 2 homes and I'm a different person in each of them. Which is strange. Which 'me' is 'me'? The single, wildly successful, travelling Manchester girl, or the Sister/Daughter/Friend who knows the most amazing people in Brisbane and is so lucky to be so loved?

I think I need to be someone in the middle of those two but am not yet sure how to merge them.

I was greeted at the airport with the biggest purple banner I have EVER seen and a crowd of people, thanks (of course) to Kerryn. It was amazing and meant so much to me. As did the parties throughout the week. So wonderful to see so many friends and family, yet with the masses of people, there were a few I didn't get to spend any quality 1-on-1 time with. Next time, I promise!

Ellie & Porky's wedding was BEAUTIFUL. They were both glowing with happiness. As is typical with weddings, I didn't get to spend that much time chatting with either of them (although I did get to the next Sunday at SNL!) but just being there, part of the day, was so very special. I love these two so much and they're such an inspiration to me. I feel blessed to know them.

I also feel blessed to know my sisters. Mum took a lot of photos of the 4 of us, all dressed up for the wedding, and we look beautiful. And we're each so individual as well. To my surprise, I'm the thinnest sister again. For someone who's constantly had issues with her weight ... it's strange to see photographic evidence when I've always thought of myself as 'too big'. I don't think anyone has sisters like I do, or the relationships that we do. Best friends. I miss them so much at times.

Three nights I tried to use BJ's spa but it only finally happened after the 'family BBQ', which was also an amazing day. Volleyball and cricket in the back yard. These seemingly simple things that are so special when you haven't experienced them in over a year.

I got to go to TFN (Thursday Fun Night) - a Rochedale Institution - and these guys, while not necessarily related by blood, are also my family. I missed Danny, though, because he's part of that group (in my mind) yet now lost in Germany. We watched his birthday DVD and laughed way too hard. Poor Tuna!!!

I spent more time chatting to Mum than I think I ever have before. Our relationship is evolving and I'm becoming more comfortable with its new form. It's good. :)

With Christian, I played 'tourist on the Gold Coast' & we went up the (new to me) Q1 tower. That was very cool and I had flashbacks to the other tall buildings I've been up around the world. (Malaysia, New York, Chicago, Paris... the list goes on.) Such a fabulous, fun night, including dinner at a Turkish Restaurant and Gold Coast nightlife, even if I did have to abandon my car on account of drinking a little too much.

And then camping at Mount Barney with most of the people I love best in the world. THAT was awesome. Real air, real stars, real dirt. The sort of thing you don't see in Europe at all and it didn't matter that it was the middle of winter. And running around crazily playing 'spotlight', or 'YMCA' in the middle of the road...who says I have to grow up?

It was Sunday night and I was sad, having just said goodbye to C and realising that I faced even more goodbyes that night. That, of course, is when Greg & Cass unleashed their surprise...they're engaged!!! And getting married in November!

It was actually great that this all happened just as I was leaving, because the sadness of my returning to the UK was overtaken by the excitement of planning a wedding.

Which of course means I will return to Oz later this year. And I'm happy about that. Really happy. I want to spend more time with my family/friends there because I have been away too long. I'm not saying that I'm going back to stay (although it's a possibility), but one of my reasons for the trip home was reconnaissance. And the recon mission told me that yes, family IS important. More than I thought. I'm so happy to have realised that.

Tonight's To-Do List

2006-06-06T03:06:00.000+10:00

'Pack for Australia'.

ARGH!!!

Everything I Always Wanted to Do

2006-06-05T23:31:00.000+10:00

That's what my life in the UK is: Dream Fulfillment. One could argue it's a selfish way of living, the other part of me sees the UK as the most amazing opportunity I've been given and I'm going to squeeze every moment out of it.

This weekend was my weekend 'off' from travelling.

I spent Saturday at the 'Fabulous' conference (http://www.fabulousconference.com) - which was truly incredible. An amazing demonstration of the Power of God and it reminded me that there is so much we don't know. The church I grew up in wasn't much for 'supernatural demonstrations' but the things I saw on Saturday show there is a whole other stream out there. It's difficult to explain in words: it's one of those things that you have to be there to see and feel.

I am a scientist but I believe in the supernatural and part of the fun in life is getting those two to work together. (In my head, that is. ) I know I'll never understand it all.

Sunday I got up early and headed out to Blackpool (yet again). It's not the nicest of places but it has an amazing amusement park. Donna & her family & I spent most of the day riding rollercoasters by the beach and they were AWESOME!!! The best rollercoasters I've ever been on! My neck hurts a lot today though.....

At the end of the day, we saw Bon Jovi live in concert. At age 14 I was completely in love with Jon Bon Jovi and would have given almost anything to see him live. Now I have. And for a moment, I reverted to my 14 year old self and squealed, 'He's so cute!'

Awesome concert, though. 60 000 people. Donna & I were deaf for hours afterwards. Too much fun. :)

Alien Landscape...

2006-05-31T23:58:00.000+10:00

Tunisa. Currently tied with New Zealand and New Mexico as my BEST TRIP EVER. I had no idea the country was so incredibly beautiful. Every hour we drove we were stunned anew. Otherwordly locations tucked away in a tiny African country. The places are remote and armed with only sketchy directions, it was truly an adventure holiday.

The places we saw. AMAZING. I have sunset photos of the same place where Luke watched the binary sunset. I had chills.

We hiked up STAR WARS canyon.

We visited the still-standing set of Mos Espa.

We slept over at Luke's house (the Lars homestead).

Found the Cantina (sadly falling apart) and Obi-Wan's house (still fairly intact).

And saw the slave quarters where Anakin lived.

Aside from all of that - the Sahara! Desert Oases! Salt lakes and sand dunes and 40 degree heat and it was just ... incredible. There are no words to describe it.

I have 1000 photos and I hope to share these with you very soon.

Road Trip of a Lifetime

2006-05-26T22:31:00.000+10:00

I'm one hour from leaving for Tunisia.

Home of Tattooine.

I don't think anyone can comprehend just HOW EXCITED I am. I've wanted to go here since the summer I was 12.

I'M GONNA SEE MOS ESPA AND MOS EISLEY AND STAY IN LUKE SKYWALKER'S HOUSE!!!

And stand above the crater where Luke longingly looked out at the twin suns setting and dreamed of his future.

I'm going to Tattooine. :) :) :) :) :)

Of all the places where STAR WARS was filmed, this is the place you can get 'closest' to it.

The forgotten people?

2006-05-25T02:52:00.000+10:00

Sometimes we, the ex-pats, feel forgotten. We send countless emails, make phone calls, send birthday cards to the people that we thought were our best friends, but the contact is not returned.

It's sad.

Perhaps those we left behind think that we're far too busy having a fantastic adventure to even think of them. I want to tell you all it's not true. We miss home, intensely at times, especially when we look around and there's no one with whom we have a truly intimate friendship with. (Because friendship takes work, a minimum of 6 months. And if I'm having a crisis which links directly to an experience from 3 years ago, who here would understand that?)

We love getting even 2 line emails.

We love hearing news from home.

And we love telling you our news too.

I know we left YOU and it was selfish on our parts. We hope that you can forgive us for that and understand that even though we've gone out seeking our own lives, we didn't do this lightly.

My friends, I miss you.

Excited

2006-05-20T00:21:00.000+10:00

My friend Donna, from New Zealand, is coming to visit this weekend. I haven't seen her in a year and a half. It's going to be so much fun!!!

I have been so lucky to have a near-constant stream of visitors to the UK. It's wonderful.

The blonde-hair effect

2006-05-17T02:31:00.000+10:00

Today was a Good Hair Day. How do I know? I was walking down the road (to the doctor to get vaccinations for the upcoming Tunisia trip - ouch!) and a car screeches to a stop next to me.

2 guys asked for directions, then asked for my phone number. I said no, also refusing the lift to my destination, but one of them gave me his phone number 'just in case'.

It's what I call the blonde-hair effect. This kind of thing never happened to me as a brunette, but as a blonde, it's, well, fairly common. I admire these men for making the effort and I feel a bit guilty that I generally turn them down. Perhaps I should open my mind a little more?