Friday, March 14, 2008

The scent of Africa

Now that I've unpacked my boxes from the UK, I have access to my perfumes again. :D This morning I pulled out Jasmine essence, which I purchased in Tunis. It's amazing how scents can take you back to a time and place. I remember that bustling market, where B and I pushed through crowded, smelly streets and tunnels, where I was groped, where we had the most interesting food, where stray cats roamed and we bargained for silver bracelets that I later gave to my sisters.

Tunisia, land of sun, desert and majestic beauty. The memories I have from that place are some of the most incredible of my life. Whenever I watch STAR WARS, I find it both amazing and hard to believe that I have actually been to those places!

I truly am blessed, to have been given the opportunities that I have.

For so many, remote areas of Africa are the 'impossible dream', and yet we did it, armed with dodgy instructions printed off from the internet, a hire car that looked like it was going to fall apart, and a whole lot of grim determination.

Even when we managed to get bogged on the sand flats of Luke Skywalker's house, as the sun was setting (if only it had been twin suns), it was amazing! Oh, the memories.... And poor B, I don't think he quite realised what a crazy/obsessive fangirl I was until that trip. I dragged him from one end of the country to the other and he didn't complain even one bit.

I remember the first night in Africa, where I leaned out of my hotel room window and just BREATHED. I was so excited. The air held a hint of the exotic, it was warm, it was delicious, it was foreign yet familiar (the books I'd read came flooding back to me) and I stood there and stared at the stars and grinned.

And of course, I'm missing B again. So many exciting things are happening lately. I'm meeting new people, planning new things, and it makes me quite sad that he's not part of that. You can't forget someone so easily and I still think, "I can't wait to tell him this!" I can only hope and pray that one day I will again. But how far can your lives diverge and you still have that 'understanding' that only years of friendship brings?

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Canada Countdown

I'm in serious planning mode for Canada. 7 months to go. And, oh, what a difference it makes to my outlook! I'm so excited, I have something major to look forward to. :D Now I don't care that I can't afford weekends away (due to the mortgage and horrific rate rises...), because I no longer feel trapped.

I'm going on an adventure. :) :) :) I'm going to become a kick-ass skiier. Maybe I'll even try snowboarding. My goal for the end of the season will be to do at least one aeriel trick off a ski jump. I wonder if I'll get good enough to do an in-air somersault?

(Before people start telling me that it takes years to learn these things, keep in mind that I have extraordinarily good balance, am a great roller-blader, used to do aerial tricks on the trampoline, and picked up horse riding (including jumping) very easily.)

So many exciting decisions lie before me. Which resorts should I apply to? Should I travel before, or after? Will I stay on in Canada and look for a professional job afterwards? Should I buy my own skis or rent? Will I meet fabulous Canadian men or will I stay solo? ;)

I can't wait to meet all the new people. :) Experience a totally different LIFE. Be poor for a while (that won't be so good but what's more important, paying off my mortgage, or enjoying my youth while I still have it?!)

I feel like ME again. And it's good.

This all depends, of course, on landing a job in a ski-resort but I'm speaking to an organisation that arranges interviews IN AUS before you go. I'm very hopeful.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

It's not enough

I guess what my last post was trying to say is... It's Not Enough.

Everything I have now - my job, my family, my friends, my house... it doesn't fulfil me. So I keep yearning for that thing that will, and life-experience has taught me that breaking OUT of my comfort zone is enough of a distraction to not notice that I want more.

My wasted 20's.

I spent the vast majority of my 20's waiting for marriage. Looking back, I'm horrified at How Much Time I wasted. I was reading today the newly published list of countries that I could have had a working visa for. So many more than I even imagined (France! Germany!) yet the cut-off age for all of these exciting places is 30.

30.

I feel like I'm only just getting started in life, but doors are slamming in my face due to the age cut-off. 30 is an age where you're supposed to have it figured out. Where you've done the adventure thing and you're ready to settle. I'm SO far from that place and I wonder, how did I get it so wrong?

To be fair, the world set me up. Movies and novels (and even the church) promised fairytale romance. My parents fell in love at 16 and it lasted. My sisters/cousins got married at ages 19-21, of course I expected that my turn would soon come. So I did what any good Christian girl would do, kept going to church, lived with my parents (I SO wanted to do the same as my siblings, i.e. live at home until I got married because that was both beautiful and traditional), I got a job to pay off my university debts and begin saving for the future while I waited for my husband, and then....

...continued waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

(I should add that I went out, I met people, I tried new things, dated, I certainly didn't sit at home!)

I'd always had the dream of going to England with my boyfriend/husband: I know so many couples who've done that. The stories they told me were amazing, imagine having that kind of adventure with your best friend! Someone to share the good times and the tough times, someone to help alleviate the inevitable homesickness.

It got to the point where I was so bored, so frustrated, so depressed with my life of waiting, that I finally went on my own. But that was late 20's. There was only enough time for one, maybe 2, visas. I had plans to go to Canada after England (I HAD my visa), but that got slammed by Glandular Fever. Another entire year, GONE just like that. (For 9 months I lacked the physical strength required to move to another country by myself and to this day I don't have the pre-illness energy. I may never again.)

So now. I'm recovered. And I'm in Brisvegas again. I'm back to WAITING.

You could argue that all I have to do is change my frame of reference. But what more is there to life, than family and legacy? Okay, serving God, but oh, that feels empty when you don't share it with someone. And so... I travel. I go out there. I DO THINGS that are different, I experience everything this world has to offer.

And I regret my wasted 20's because those were the prime years to be adventuring instead of hoping for something that didn't come to pass.